Seventeen
by NecroticHate
Summary: Live translation from Gravity Falls, OR
1. Chapter 1

_08.31.16. 9:15 a.m._

The ground shook. Old minivan ran down the forest road as fast as the engine would allow. Inside the car, a heavy argument was in progress.

"It's all your fault, shouldn't have kicked it!"

"It doesn't fucking matter now, whose fault it is! Thompson, can this thing go any faster?!"

"No, guys, it's ancient, you know! The engine is half-dead."

"I can fucking outrun this shit!"

A bunch of gnomes landed on top of the car with heavy thuds. One of them managed to crawl inside through the opened driver's window and immediately jumped on Thompson's face, biting and clawing it. Wendy, who sat on the passenger seat, tried to catch the steering wheel while simultaneously ripping the gnome off of her friend, but the car has already lost control and went off the road. All Corduroy was able to do was to dodge the nearest tree minivan was heading directly into, and then rapid turn made the car fall on its side.

"Now we're fucked!" - Wendy stated. - "You guys alive there?" - she asked, turning to Robbie and Tambry who were on the back seats.

"Barely," - Valentino groaned, trying to unlock his seatbelts.

"Let's get out of here, quick!"

The four of them only had enough time to crawl out of the car, when the huge composite gnome was upon them.

"You!" - Jeff yelled from the top of the gnome. - "How dare you trespass on out sacred grounds?"

"When I say 'go', we all run opposite directions," - the ginger hissed, planning their escape routes. She knew, however, that chances of them all escaping the gnomes were slim, but she wasn't giving up just yet. Her intention was to distract the gnomes long enough to give the others enough time to get away, as she was the most prepared of them all, but even then she didn't like the odds.

"I'll pulverize you all for such blasphemy!" - Jeff roared, while the monster gnome was menacingly rising its enormous fist.

"You what, mate?" - asked the voice from behind the gnome. Wendy's face instantly brightened, while Jeff's jaw dropped, and his eyebrows twitched in dread. He slowly turned around in his place on top of the construct. There he saw Dipper Pines, standing on the roadside and looking calmly at him, with his hand crossed on his chest. He was wearing his accustomed khaki hiking pants and ankle boots, and his multi-pocketed vest was worn over a T-shirt with a picture of Albert Einstein on steroids and inscription 'Smart is the new sexy' that Wendy gave him as this year's welcome-back present. An iconic blue pine tree cap crowned his bush of hazy brown hair. His eyes watched Jeff almost indifferently, but with accusation.

"Oh, hey, Dipper!" - the gnome leader said nervously. - "How's it going?"

"Fine, thanks. Go home, Jeff." - Pines commanded.

"But-"

"Go home."

"But they transgressed our Hallow Groove!" - Jeff yelled desperately. - "How can I forgive them? They have to be punished!"

"Leave them be and get back to your woods."

"Or what?" - the gnome shouted in fury. - "This time, what're you gonna do? Use some of your shenanigans, or something? We've been practising, Dipper, so that next time we face you, you won't be able to stop us!" - The monster gnome turned to face the mystery expert, who only stood there looking indifferently at him, and raised its fists to smash Dipper where he stood, but at the last moment a grappling hook flew from between the trees on the roadside and caught Jeff. A second after all gnomes let out a gasp of horror, the rope started to reel. Shrieking like a prehistoric winged lizard, Jeff flew away to the forest, to where hook's owner resided. The rest of the gnomes froze in place.

"So, guys," - Dipper said, looking heavily upon hapless tiny men, who, left without control, did not even lower the construct's arms, - "Before you go, I need you to do one thing. Grab that car and put it on the road right way up, nice and steady."

"But we can't move without directions," - retorted one of the gnomes who formed the left leg.

"Yeah, we need orders!" - agreed the other one.

"Oh, I'll give you orders!" - Pines promised, taking a step toward gnomes. With a loud and vociferous cry the combi-gnome hastily picked up Thompson's old minivan and carefully placed it on the road. No later than this was done, the gnomes ran helter-skelter as fast as they could muster. - "Everyone cool?" - Dipper asked. Wendy ran to him, making a daring leap in place of last several paces. He caught her mid-air and hugged her tightly, while she placed a passionate kiss on his lips, her sylphlike form pressing against his figure, widened with years of boxing and mystery wrestling.

"A hero arrives at the last moment to save the day!" - Corduroy exclaimed once she parted from her boyfriend.

"Status update - saved by the Pines twins, again," - jokingly added Tambry. She didn't have her cell phone around.

"Perfect timing, dude," - Robbie said, coming closer and shaking Dipper's hand.

"Guys, I was so scared!" - Thompson confessed.

"What, of the gnomes?"

"No, when Dipper started pushing them around. It was savage!"

"You guys are lucky that we were nearby," - the mystery expert said. - "Where's my sister, by the way?"

"A selfie with a gnome!" - Mabel's voice cried from behind the tree line, and then she stepped to the road from the bushes. She was dressed in a light knee-long dress with a flower motif and a pair of snickers. How did she manage to walk around in the forests dressed like that and not torn her clothes on the twigs nor scratch her legs was another mystery of Gravity Falls. She carried a small bag on her back and her favourite camera on her neck. In her right hand she was carrying a grappling hook, while the left hand held Jeff, who desperately tried to get away. - "Just ten bucks, people, a selfie with a real actual gnome!"

"Mabel, you definitely took after Stan," - Wendy smirked.

"Let me go, you wench!" - the gnome yelled, twisting violently.

"Watch your mouth," - Dipper advised dryly. - "Now let's hear it, why were you chasing my friends and what exactly happened?"

"They were in the Hallow Groove, picking flowers and trampling the grass. I told them to stop, but they didn't listen, and that one black-haired kicked me in the face! What did I have to do?"

"Is it true, Robbie?" - Dipper's eyes slowly moved to Valentino.

"Yeah, I did," - he admitted with reluctance. - "But he said stuff about Tambry, and about Wendy, too."

"Not surprising, knowing him, but man," - Pines sighed. - "you're, like, twenty times his weight. This was unnecessary. But hey," - he turned back to the gnome. - "The Hallow Groove isn't exactly 'yours', as you claimed, and I've caught your people there quite a number of times, not being too careful with the flora either. Why so much concern for the groove now, all of a sudden?"

"They were picking butterflowers!" - Jeff desperately cried.

"Butterflowers?" - Mabel asked with excitement.

"So?" - Dipper said.

"But-" - Jeff was still hanging in Mabel's hand, and his face dropped as he realized that he can't convince Dipper in legitimacy of his actions. - "But- But why do you hate me so much? Why is it so that you and your friends are always against me, interrupting my business every time?"

"Maybe that's because," - the mystery hunter explained tiredly, - "not a single summer has passed without you messing with us somehow, plaguing us, stabbing in the back when we have bigger problems, and so on. Damn, when I first met you, you were kidnapping my sister. Do I even need to continue?"

"So- what are you going to do with me?" - guilty gnome asked.

Mystery twins exchanged a look. The brother frowned, while the sister shrugged.

"You were threatening out friends," - Dipper stated dourly. - "Don't think I love to do this, but I can't let you go unpunished. Not this time," - He pulled something out of his vest's pocket. Jeff started to scream in terror, not sure of what is going to happen, but not expecting anything pleasant from his nemesis. The guy produced what seemed like a matchbox and pressed one of his sides. The other side emitted a cone of faint blue light. Dipper directed the light at Jeff, and the gnome leader, still squealing, retracted wholly inside the box, although it was several times smaller than him. Pines then stashed the box back inside his pocket.

"Yish!" - Robbie exclaimed.

"Did you have to be so harsh on him?" - Thompson asked worriedly.

"He's perfectly safe, and I'll release him by the end of the day. Also, he flipped over your car, what if any of you got hurt?"

"Alright, let's not waste precious time of the greatest day in history for gloomy talks!" - Mabel demanded. - "And now could anybody explains to me, what are butterflowers?"

"Shit," - Wendy yelled. - "Butterflowers!" - She rushed to the minivan and jumped inside, and a moment later a woeful moan resounded from there. - "Mabel, come here, quick."

Pines sister didn't force Wendy to wait for her. She quickly ran to the car, and this time an enthusiastic scream vibrated through the forest. Dipper took his time to come closer and look inside. There was a cloud of butterflies inside the car that flew all around muzzily, clapping their glittering wings. Mabel was sitting in the middle of the vortex in total amusement, raising her hands and looking around her, unable to comprehend the diversity of colours. Butterflies sat on her hands and face and flew away. Some of them slowly escaped through the windows and opened door, but there was enough of them inside the car to make look like Andy Warhol's bad trip.

"We wanted to give them to you at your birthday party," - Wendy explained to Mabel guiltily. - "But so much commotion to the car made them all wake up and fly away."

"How did you gather so many butterflies?" - Mabel asked, shaking with excitement.

"These are not butterflies, but butterflowers," - Dipper said. - "Flowers that grow in the Hallow Groove that look life butterflies, and when they are ripe they fly away to spread the seeds. They can be startled by rapid movement or commotion even if underripe, then they fly away too. I only found butterflowers by accident a week ago when I was striding through the Groove."

"And you never told me?" - Mabel tried to sound offensively, but she was too exalted for that.

"I brought a bouquet to Wendy, and we decided that we'll give you one for birthday, so I kept it secret until today."

"This is absolutely beautiful," - Mabel sang, almost unable to focus her eyes on anything. - "I'm in heaven."

"Yeah, it is," - replied Robbie, who by that time also came close and peered inside. - "But now we'll have to drive to town with these things flying everywhere. What if one of them decides to sit on Thompson's eye?"

"We can drive slowly. The ceremony isn't starting in an hour and a half," - Tambry said.

"Seriously, dudes," - Dipper said quietly. - "Thanks for your work, but didn't you take too many of them? I mean, butterflowers are already rare enough."

"Yeah, you're probably right," - Valentino rubbed the back of his neck, - "But there's nothing to do now. We just wanted to make Mabel happy."

"I know, guys," - Pines smiled. - "Thank you for that," - He moved his eyes back to his sister's mesmerized face. - "It works."

* * *

Their way back was accompanied with Mabel's sweet humming of some nameless motif. At first she refused to react to the outside world's stimuli in any other way. Then, when most of the butterflowers were blown out of the car window or ran dormant, she slowly resumed her interactions with other people.

"We'll now have to stay at the Shack for some time, while we change and get ready to the ceremony," - she said, with her eyes still gleaming. - "What will you guy do meanwhile? Wait for us there?"

"Of course we will, don't be ridiculous, we're not leaving you alone today," - Robbie retorted.

"Too bad Lee and Nate couldn't join us," - Tambry sighed.

"Are they trying to a-Lee-e-Nate from us?"

"Mabel, that's hilarious."

"Lee had to go visit his parents, his dad got seriously ill. Nate had to move to his college earlier this year."

"Sorry to hear that, hope Lee's father gets better soon," - Mabel frowned.

The car stopped on the parking lot of Mystery Shack. Mabel was first to run outside, still accompanied by a cloud of butterflies. She danced inside the Shack, singing 'Soos! Melody!' on her way.

"So, we nailed the first gift, but not completely," - Wendy announced.

"Man, it's a good thing we weren't carrying the cake," - Thompson said.

"OK, guys, thanks for the ride," - Dipper sighed, climbing out of the van. - "There's more than an hour left till the ceremony. I'll go change. In the meantime, you come inside and help yourselves. There's soda and snacks in the kitchen, also, beer, but I'd suggest we save it for later."

"You think Soos and Melody would welcome us ransacking the fridge?" - Wendy said.

"I deem you members of a party preparation crew, so you have my permission."

"Your permission?" - Robbie rebelled. - "Don't get too cocky, youngster!"

"Dude, but that's, like, his family's house, sort of," - Thompson pointed out.

"Whatever, I'll be back ASAP," - Dipper said going inside the shack. He stopped at the doorstep and looked around the shoulder at his friends, who were still inside the minivan. Then he made another step and disappeared inside the Shack.

"The coast is clear," - Corduroy said.

"C'mon, let's go," - Robbie responded. - "We have some surprise presents to plant."


	2. Chapter 2

**OK. Now. My initial intention was to post the whole fanfic on 31st of August, the twins' birthday. However, my schedule at work made me reconsider. Plus, I write painfully slowly. Now I'm not even sure I'll be able to finish it by the end of the week. But I'll try.**

 **Ferealty, Dexay - guys, thanks a lot for you reviews, it means so much to me. I hope you'll like this next update. To the other readers - please review, feedback is extremely wellcome.**

 **Furthermore, to any of you kind readers who can speak Greek - I'm sorry, I tried. What you'll eventually see was supposed to be Ancient Greek, but I myself doubt it is what I meant it to be.**

* * *

 _08.31.16. 09:50 a.m._

Grabbing the party supplies, the four friends quickly made their way from the van to the Shack. Inside they caught up with Soos, Candy and Grenda. Melody probably was in the kitchen.

"Morning, guys," - Wendy greeted the team-mates briefly. - "The cake?" - she asked Grenda. The Rubenesque girl mutely pointed to the museum.

"The stands are in there too, dawg," - Soos assured her.

"Same for the presents," - Candy said.

"Great, now, get the table, get the stands in here," - Corduroy urged her friends. - "Move, people, daylight's burning!"

Robbie and Thompson brought specifically prepared table to the gift shop, while Grenda and Soos wheeled out the stands from the museum. Wendy and Tambry meanwhile unsheathed two large placards and were posting them up on the stands. The first placard had neatly organized and systematic frames with text and images, connected with each other by lines of different colours. The other placard had a lot of glitter and shiny stickers on it, and text and photographs were adorned with frilly thingies and beautified with floral motifs. When the placards were in place, the girls joined the rest of their friend. A deliciously-looking brownie cake baked by Candy and Grenda was in the honorary place in the middle of the table. On the right of it a present for Dipper was placed, while to the left, Mabel's present was. The rest of the table was taken by plates of cookies and sweeties, framed photographs of twins' most spectacular moments of the summer and several bouquets of flowers, including one severely depleted bouquet of butterflowers. Working together, the seven of them set the table in a very short time. They stood back, examining their handywork.

"Well, I'd say - good enough," - Robbie finally stated.

"Dood, looks fantastic," - Soos agreed.

"I'd be on heavens nine if I found such a table prepared for my birthday," - Grenda grunted.

"Can't wait to see their faces," - Wendy said. - "OK, guys, at ease. I think we did a good work. I'll go see Melody," - she added. The rest of the team went their respective ways - Thompson and Soos headed to the kitchen together with her, Robbie and Tambry left to the living room, Candy and Grenda went outside.

Melody was indeed found in the kitchen, she was making pancakes.

"Hi, Wendy," - she said, as the ginger entered the room. - "Hi, Thompson. Hi, honey"

"Hi again, sweetheart."

"Good morning, Mrs Ramirez."

"Hi, Mel," - Wendy responded. - "You've been here all morning?"

"Yeah, sure," - the woman responded. - "Doesn't it look like it?" - she pointed to the table that was bending under the weight of plates with sandwiches, fried corn, buffalo wings and hotdogs. - "Hungry?" - she inquired. Wendy, feeling her mouth water, could only nod. - "I thought as much," - she laughed.

"Dipper said we're part of the crew and can help ourselves with the food," - Corduroy said, not taking her eyes away from the table.

"Oh, and if he didn't say that I would totally make you starve to death," - Melody laughed again. - "Come on, I already figured you guys must be hungry. I made hot dogs specially for all of you." - she gestured at the plate that was standing in the corner of kitchen counter.

* * *

Several minutes later Wendy returned to the gift shop with a satisfied smile, licking last drops of mustard and catchup from her fingers. She looked around lazily, wondering what should she do to pass the remaining time before the twins come down. Ginger's wondering gaze fell upon the table, and something caught her attention, although she couldn't quite place it. She came closer, examining the table with diligence. Something was missing, she thought. Something important. And then she realized it, and ran cold. The set of brushes wasn't there.

Wendy looked over the table one more time. The brushes had to be there. They couldn't have fallen anywhere, as they were laying almost in the middle of the table. She looked under the table, just in case. Of course, it was empty in there. What if someone took them and- And what? Just brought them somewhere else? Who could have done that? Thompson, Tambry and Robbie knew that the brushes were a present to Mabel, although you can never be sure with Thompson. Although he was in the kitchen together with her the whole time. Still - Thompson... Soos or Melody? Not Melody, she was in the kitchen as well. Grenda or Candy? Nah, they wouldn't do anything like that. So, if there were any suspects, it were Soos and Thompson.

First, she found Thompson. He was still in the kitchen, drinking milk.

"Dude, did you take Mabel's brushes?" - she asked straightly.

"No, why?" - he said, parting from milk.

"They're missing, that's why," - Wendy said, leaving the kitchen. Soos was in the living room, watching TV together with Tambry and Robbie.

"Hey Soos, or you guys for that matter, have you possibly seen Mabel's present, the set of brushes?" - she asked.

"Sure thing, dawg," - Ramirez smiled, - "They're in the gift shop, on the table for the twins' presents."

"No, Soos, they're not there," - Corduroy shook her head. - "And we have to find out where did they go, real quick."

Returning to the gift shop, she saw a curtain that covered the entrance to the museum waggling slightly - somebody must have passed through there just a moment ago. Wendy then tossed a quick glance at the table, subconsciously hoping that the brushes somehow would be in place again. However, what she saw made her freeze in dread - the birthday cake was missing.

Wendy rushed to the museum. Turning behind the corner rapidly, she caught a glimpse of a picture that would have made her laugh any other day. Three tiny, the size of a gnome, roughly humanoid creatures with rotund round bodies covered in brown fur were running away, holding the tray with a cake and cackling fiendishly. Another one of their kind was awaiting for them further beside the wall, holding aside one of the wall planks with a piece of wallpapers. When the creature with the tray ran inside the hole, it quickly followed them, adjusting the plank back in place with quite some skill. Despite running on the top of her speed, Wendy failed to catch any of them, and when she tried to move the plank, it proved to hold in place unexpectedly firmly. Letting out a cry of frustration, the ginger slammed her fist on the wall, but that did not help either.

* * *

"So, what the hell happened?" - Valentino questioned. When Wendy came back to the gift shop, the whole gang was there, exchanging worried looks.

"Some sort of boggarts stole the pie," - Wendy groaned.

"So that's the reason behind my socks missing all the time," - Soos said.

"Apparently," - Corduroy continued, - "they've taken the brushes as well. Now they are hiding inside the wall, and we need to extract the cake and the brushes as quick as possible, before the twins come here."

"But they must've already changed, they can come here any minute," - Grenda reasoned.

"Then somebody, make them busy!" - gingerhead gritted her teeth.

"I can distract Mabel," - Candy suggested.

"Wendy, you go delay Dipper," - Robbie laughed. - "It's your job."

"Screw you Valentino, it's too early in the morning for your jokes."

"Dudes, don't argue, I'll go and make a small talk with him," - Soos said. - "I'll make sure he stays in his room while you'll go and search for the cake and Mabel's present."

"What did we miss?" - Dipper said, entering the gift shop. He was dressed in a dark grey check suit with a dark brown tie. His hair was combed, displaying the birthmark on his forehead at its finest. Following him, Mabel came into the room. She was wearing a floor-long formal dress, dark-blue with star motif. Atop her head, a circlet of blue and violet forest flowers was laying. There were asters, lupines, bachelor's buttons, fleabanes, and they were all fresh, although Wendy didn't see the circlet earlier that morning, or didn't see the Pines girl gathering the flowers. What was even more surprising, there were blue violets and blue-eyed Marys that naturally flowered in spring, and not in august. Corduroy decided that it is not the most uncommon thing about Mabel. All in all, the girl looked quite gorgeous.

The crowd of their friends let out a simultaneous sigh. Wendy stepped forth.

"Dipper, Mabel," - she began. - "We gathered here to give you somewhat of a surprise party before you go to the ceremony. We prepared presents for you, decorations and a pie. But when we all left the room for just one minute, the present for Mabel disappeared. And then we accidentally left the table without oversight for one more minute, and the cake was stolen. I think I saw whoever - or whatever - did this, it looked like a bunch of tiny creatures with brown fur, the size of gnomes. They ran to the museum carrying the cake with them. I couldn't catch them, but I saw where did they make their- lair, or whatever."

The twins in front of her were standing still, and their faces were absolutely deadpan. They were like marble monuments. Wendy was about to say that this was worrying her, when she noticed that Mabel was very slowly raising her grappling hook.

"Hold on, cake," - the girl said. - "We're coming."

* * *

Exactly one minute later the gang was standing in the museum at the spot where Wendy saw the creature crawl inside the wall.

"Wait here for a minute, dawgs," - Soos said. - "I'll get a crowbar and remove a couple of planks."

"That would hardly bring any results," - Dipper responded. - "And this is not necessary. Mabel?"

"On it," - the birthday girl flew off to the upstairs.

"Where is she going?" - Tambry frowned.

"Soon enough you'll see something entertaining," - Dipper smiled. In less than a minute Mabel was back with a tiny edgy bottle of dusty glass in her hand. A dark-purple liquid was vaguely visible inside. As soon as she was back at the place of presumable entrance to the tunnels, Mabel, suddenly turning dead-serious, opened the bottle.

"ἐλευθερία," - she said, making her friends twitch in surprise. - "ἀλογέω ἄβροχος." - Then she brought the bottle to her lips and drank the liquid down in one gulp. - "Ah," - the Pines girl said contentedly.

"Don't ruin your hairdo," - Dipper warned. His sister waved her hand at him before turning to the wall and slamming her head on it. Or at least, she made the exact move to crack open her skull against the wall, making Wendy hold her breath in surprise. But Mabel's upper half simply went through the planks and disappeared from sight inside the structure.

"Dude what the fuck!" - Robbie shouted. Pines guy shrugged.

"Aha!" - came Mabel's muted exclamation from behind the boards. Shortly after, a surprised and terrified squeak came from out there, and then Mabel retracted back to the hallway, holding a small and peculiar creature in her hand.

"This shit is totally fucked!" - Valentino said.

"What the hell is this?" - Wendy asked, pointing at the creature. It was the size of a gnome, sturdy and rotund, covered in brown fur. Its short arms and legs were flailing helplessly in the air, while its head with what looked like something between muzzle and human face rotated from side to side, scrutinizing surrounding with small black eyes and sniffing the air with a big meaty nose.

"Ew," - Robbie grimaced.

"Aw!" - Mabel brightened. - "So cute!"

"Whoa, rad!" - Soos shouted.

"What is this thing?" - Tambry asked, peeking from behind Robbie's shoulder.

"A brownie," - Dipper explained.

"So it was a brownie that stole a brownie pie?" - Wendy asked mistrustfully. - "Why does stuff like that always happen when I think that Gravity Falls can't surprise me with anything anymore?"

"You'll get used to it," - her boyfriend sighed. - "Again. Mabel, what's in there? Did you see your present - what was it, by the way? - or the cake?"

"Nope and nope, there is no lair inside the wall. Instead, there's, like, a system of tunnels and passages, or something like that. Cosy. I wouldn't mind living inside the wall for some times."

"Practically 'the Rats in the walls' by HPL," - Dipper murmured. - "OK, let's go, we have an interrogation to run."

* * *

The brownie never stopped screaming on their way to the gift shop - luckily, it didn't take long. There Mabel put it on the floor, however, maintaining her hold on the creature so it couldn't run away. Dipper took a small sweetie from the tray on the birthday table and gave it to the brownie. It went silent that very moment. Its tiny fingers started swiftly unwrapping the sweetie. Then the creature tossed the wrapper away and began eating the treat, holding it with both hands in front of its muzzle, like a mouse or a squirrel.

"Will you talk now?" - Dipper asked.

"More," - the brownie squeaked, reaching with his Lilliputian hand.

"What's your name?" - Mabel asked.

"Brownie!" - the creature said.

"Is he asking for food again?" - Wendy whispered.

"Is that your name?" - Pines guy suggested.

"Yeah," - the creature squeaked excitedly. - "Brownie. More!"

"Are all of your kind called this?" - Mabel frowned.

"Yeah! More!"

"They don't have names?" - Dipper said. - "That's peculiar."

"I'll call you Mr Fluffston- stein!" - Mabel exclaimed decidedly. - "Esquire."

"Look," - Dipper explained patiently. - "Do you want any more sweets? If you do, please bring us back what you took from here- somebody, what was Mabel's present again?

"Brushes," - Tambry said.

"OK, brushes. Bring them back here. If you do that, I'll give you more goodies."

"And the cake!" - Candy and Grenda said in unison.

"Girls, I'm sorry, but I fear the cake is in no shape for us to eat anymore," - Dipper reasoned. - "I mean, do you really think these creatures will restrain themselves from eating the sweet cake once they bring it to their lair?"

The girl exchanged looks.

"We'll make you a new one," - Grenda promised.

"Deal. So," - he turned back to the brownie. - "Do you understand me? We will give you a lot more candies and sweeties-"

"Nomnoms," - Mabel interrupted.

"-if you bring us back the brushes you took. Are we clear?" - Dipper asked hopefully. The creature started nodding ardently. The gang around started smiling at the sight of brownies adorable manners, but they soon started to frown when they realized that it was still standing before them, showing no intention to go anywhere. - "What are you waiting for?" - Pines asked.

"More!" - the brownie squeaked. The gang let out an almost simultaneous groan.

"Fine," - Dipper said appeasably, taking another sweetie. - "I'll give you one more, but you'll go to your friends and tell them what I told you. Bring back the brushes." - The brownie snatched the treat from his hand and ran away. The guy could only shrug.

"Do you really think that'll help?" - Robbie asked. Pines guy shrugged again.

"OK, everyone," - Wendy called. - "Now as all we can do is wait for the tiny guys to bring us back Mabel's present, let's not waste time any longer. We still have a couple of twins to celebrate!"

"Happy birthday to you!" - a somewhat discorded choir started to sing, putting stupid blissful smiles on twins' faces.

"Guys!" - Dipper smiled once they finished. - "Guys!"

"You're the best!" - Mabel shouted. - "Every single one of you!"

"So, OK, to the presents now," - Corduroy said. - "Dipper, this is for you. A compass," - she handed him a simple round black box with a flip cover. Opening it, he saw a sidereal 32-point wind rose and a couple of diminutive spheres, red and blue, that hovered over diametrically opposite sides of the disk. He closed the box and shook it slightly, and, opening again saw the spheres still in places. He rotated the compass so that the spheres would be over the North and South, respectively. - "And it's not just any compass," - Wendy continued. - "It's made of some spare parts salvaged from the- that secret thing under the valley only you, me, Mabel, Dr Pines and McGucket know about."

"This is frustrating, Wendy never told us where did those tiny beads come from," - Candy complained.

"Neat," - Dipper lowered his head in a respectful manner. - "Certainly didn't expect that, good job, guys."

"Dr Pines did most of this," - Robbie said, - "So it's not much of our service anyway."

"But the idea was ours," - Candy pointed out.

"Moving on!" - Wendy announced. - "Material possessions are one thing, but memories - something completely different. Check out how much remembrance of you we could gather," - she pointed to the placards. The twins exchanged looks before coming closer and examining them. Dipper's placard was an elaborate diagram of his photos, schemes or photographs of his most notorious mysteries solved and adversaries defeated, and even his quotes. In the centre of the sheet, on a spare place some list of several entries was prined. Dipper started to read aloud:

"Dipper Pines is so badass that gremoblins see their worst nightmares when they look into his eyes

Dipper Pines is so badass that he haunts ghosts

Dipper Pines is so badass that he could teach manotaurs to be manly, but he has better things to do

Dipper Pines is so badass that he opens Universe Portals wherever he wants with his left hook

Dipper Pines is so badass that that he single-handedly defeated Gideon-bot with his bare hands at age of twelve

Dipper Pines is so badass that stars formed the Big Dipper constellation to resemble birthmark on his head"

The guy shook his head.

"Now we have to add: 'Dipper Pines is so badass that he defeated a monster gnome without even lifting a finger'," - Thompson meekly said.

"That's not worth mentioning," - Dipper waved his hand. - "But still, guys. OK, Mabel, what you've got?" - they proceeded to Mabel's placard.

"Mabel Pines is so cute that even her pet pig can win a beauty contest.

Mabel Pines is so cute that kittens want to pet her

Mabel Pines is so cute that twelve-years old girls want to wear braces to resemble her

Mabel Pines is so cute that her painting and photographs are soft as softer then chinchilla's fur

Mabel Pines is so cute that everything that is good in the world wants to be knitted on one of her sweaters

Mabel Pines is so cute that vampires are enchanted into submission by the power of her gaze."

"Hey, that one actually happened," - Mabel cried.

"Yeah, Mabes," - Tambry said. - "We know. That doesn't make you any less cute."

"More!" - sounded from behind them. When the gang turned around they saw a small crowd of brownies gathered in the gift shop and reaching out to them with their hands. The one in the front held a set of brushes in his minuscule paws.

"Oh microdudes, you already!" - Soos exclaimed.

"And there's so many of them," - Candy hemmed.

"A deal's a deal," - Dipper shrugged, picking up a handful of sweeties while Mabel took brushes offered to her. Receiving the sweets, brownies quickly retreated back to the museum.

"That's what I like," - Mabel beamed, raising the brushed above her head. - "Plus, I get to know the brownies, all the perks!" - she looked at the brushes more closely. - "Wait, why are they already colourful?"

"They are made of unicorn hair," - Candy explained.

"What?! No! Seriously?!" - Mabel gasped. When her friends nodded, she raised her head to the sky (or to the ceiling that substituted the skies in the gift shop) and let out the most excited squeal any of them had ever heard. - "Unicorn hair! Now I need a palette of paints made of unicorn blood and fat, and I'm set!"

"OK, pretending you never said that," - Wendy murmured.

"Guys, just how much time did it take you to prepare all this?" - Dipper asked.

"That's not important," - Robbie laughed.

"Dude, it was our pleasure," - Soos said.

"How much time did it take you to save Gravity Falls?" - Candy responded.

"Um- which year?" - Dipper rubbed the back of his neck. - "In any event, we're probably the two luckiest twins in the world, having friends like this," - he said.

"And each other," - Grenda added.

"Hey, lucky twins," - Melody said, - "hate to brake it to you, but shouldn't you be going now? The ceremony starts in twenty minutes."

"True," - Pines checked his watch. - "Heh, no way around that. Mount up, people, and let's all pray the ceremony wouldn't be too tedious. Although, whom am I kidding..."


	3. Chapter 3

_08.31.16. 10:27 a.m._

It took the drivers - Thompson and Soos - more time to find the parking places in front of the Gravity Falls Town Hall, where the event took place, than to drive there. The passengers went ahead and proceeded inside, where, it seemed, the whole town had gathered. Dipper and Mabel took honorary places at the table on the stage, while the rest of the gang found empty seats. Shortly after they came, the ceremony started. It proved to be unexpectedly boring, even though Wendy had foreseen that she would yawn her head off. Looked like she underestimated the officials. First, major Cutebiker spoke, and he scrupulously tried to make it brief and entertaining, but the plague of being an official has already rooted in him. Then sheriff Blubs took word, and he seemed oblivious to the flow of time. Wendy soon figured that it was far more entertaining to watch the twins than to try following sheriff's speech. Mabel was surrounded by a bunch of origami animals made of table-napkins, and the paper zoo was only growing. Dipper seemed to honestly listen to what was said by the calvish sheriff, but the Wendy saw him tossing a quick glance at his sister. Envy flared on his face, and than he pulled the plug on conventionalities, loosened his tie, undid the upper button of his shirt and produced his smartphone. Wendy smirked upon the sight of twins happily ignoring the official speeches in their honour.

Then McGucket spoke, and his speech was actually at least funny, if not very much interesting. The twins looked aside of their respective businesses and cheered the inventor with applauds from time to time. He didn't look well for his sixty-five years, but considering that he spent half of his life as a demented nitwit, he was doing alright. But then again, the same could be said about both their grunckles - thirty years of transdimentional ordeals didn't do Ford any good, neither did thirty years of stress to Stan. But the old men kept a stiff upper lip.

Then Stan made a speech. Wendy lost interest very quickly, since, no matter how great of a person the former Mr Mystery was deep inside, he still preferred to speak about himself rather than about anyone else.

Finally, this appeared to come to an end, although not before a couple of other officials spoke, whom neither of the twins have ever seen before and who hardly could say anything special about them. Which, however, did not prevent them from talking. Corduroy figured that speaking on topics that you have nothing to say about was a professional trait of executives. When the officiaries were done, it was already past two o'clock. Wendy thought about how great would it be to stand up and knead her joints finally, but the ceremony turned out to be far from over yet. And the person coming to the tribune was the one least expected to be there.

"My, my, what a wonderful day is it!" - Gideon Gleeful started with his usual sultry voice and a disarming smile on his fat lips. His southern accent was especially noticeable. - "A wonderful sunny day, perfectly fitting for such a gala event! An seventeenth birthday of our beloved Pines Twins. Look at them, my friends! Mabel is even more beautiful and charming today than ever! And look at her brother, how much he has grown. Does any of you remember when he first came to our lil' town, how scrawny and awkward he was? I sure thing do. And you just look at him now!"

The crowd started to noise, unsure of where Gideon is going with this. Wendy realized that her fists were clenched.

"Anyway," - the former psychic fraud continued. - "It is a special day for Pines Twins we all came to know and love so much. But let me remind you, it wasn't always like this. Once they had to earn our trust and love slowly and hardly. But already at the end of their first summer here, they were famous all around the town. After all, they and their older relatives, Mr Stanford Pines and Mr Stanley Pines defeated the evil demon that threatened our whole town, Bill Cipher," - he paused for a moment, listening to all the whispers that went through the crowd at the mention of a dreadful transdimensional being. - "But although it was clear to us that they were big heroes of Gravity Falls, and they had more than one chance to prove it later, it was never found out, how exactly Bill Cipher came to haunt the town.

"The Pines Twins here are no doubt the biggest heroes of Gravity Falls town since Nathaniel Northwest, its founder. And since our whole town loves and adores them so much, the twins clearly should not hold any secrets from us. We're all their friends, after all. So I'll take the trouble to tell you what happened that fateful summer of 2012, and if need be, the twins or their great uncles will correct me."

Gideon cleared his throat defiantly. Attention of the whole audience was glued firmly to him.

"Did any of you ever wonder, why was Stanford Pines never seen before the summer of 2012, and his brother Stanley impersonated him for some thirty years? Did any of you ever connect his reappearance with the invasion of Bill Cipher and his henchmaniacs and the whole catastrophe of Weirdmageddon? Or did, perhaps, any of you ask themselves, why was the role of Pines Family in those events so extensive? Well, if any of you actually did, today I'm going to enlighten you. The connection of their whole family to Bill Cipher was no mere coincidence, but a consequence of a long chain of events that occurred in a distant past.

"It was a transdimensional portal that was earlier built by Stanford Pines that became a reason he disappeared one day - he was simply sucked inside the portal, and he left our universe for a very long time. During the same event a promising young inventor called Fiddleford McGucket, being the subject of his experiments, lost his mind for almost thirty years. Then Stanford's brother, Stanley, came to replace him. And in 2012 Stanford Pines was finally back from the other dimensions, and shortly after his comeback, an army of demons invaded our Earth from another world, led by infamous Bill Cipher. The unsanctioned experiments conducted by Stanford Pines almost cost him his life - but instead, it endangered the whole town in process."

"What the fuck, why is he even allowed to speak?" - Wendy hissed. She tried to stand up, but her friends caught her by the hands. - "I'll break his face!" - Robbie and Thompson actually had a hard time holding her in place.

"What say you, Dipper Pines?" - Gideon asked meanwhile, outspreading his arm in twins' direction. Wendy followed his hand with her eyes and was stupefied by what she saw. Dipper was playing with his smartphone indifferently, while Mabel, sitting beside him surrounded by a whole bunch of origami animals, directed her trusty camera at Gideon and took a photo of him, stretching his pudgy arm at the twins, with confusion written all over his face.

Everyone fell silent. Dipper rose his head, hearing his name being called out, and looked at Gideon. He then stood up, putting his gadget back in the pocket, and went to the tribune. Wendy noticed how Gideon seemed to shrink at Pines' approach. Dipper took his place beside one of the microphones.

"First of all," - he said with a warm smile, - "I'd like to thank everybody for coming here, it is really nice to see that so many people are taking part in celebration of our birthday. I'd also like to thank all speakers for their sincere and heart-warming speeches. But as you have noticed, this ceremony took a rather long time, and I'm afraid I have to confess - I lost my concentration by the end and didn't really listen so attentively to the last couple of speeches. So, Gideon, my friend, what were you saying again?"

Gleeful didn't seem any gleeful at the moment. His broad face started to redden, and long streams of sweat ran down his forehead and cheeks. He had to clear his throat again to answer Dipper.

"I said that you and your family are guilty in bringing Bill Cipher to this world in the first place. And that it was your irresponsible actions that threatened the whole community. I have evidence that you have some doomsday device hidden beneath the Mystery Shack, that you and your great uncles used to meddle with time and space of our universe, and that's how you brought Bill Cipher to Gravity Falls."

"Bill, Bill, Bill," - Dipper repeated slowly. - "You talk a lot about him. Still missing you buddy, Gideon?"

"What?!" - the former mystic yelled. - "That's besides- He's no buddy of mine, that vile fiend!"

"But he did give you quite a position during his short reign, didn't he?" - mystery hunter reasoned. - "Alright, if you say so. Regarding your questions about transdimensional travel and Bill Cipher's invasion, reappearance of my great-uncle Ford shortly before Weirdmageddon really wasn't a coincidence. He got back just in time to make it possible to oppose Bill at all, and if not for him, Bill would be literally unstoppable. About a doomsday device beneath the Mystery Shack - well, the whole town is invited to our birthday party at the Shack anyway, so I guess, to preserve our reputation, we could give a public access to our underground laboratory today, where my gruncle Ford, Mr McGucket and your humble servant conduct some experiments," - he paused to let agitation of the crowd lay down, - "and, perhaps, even give a tour. Although, it would by no means be a free tour, but on details both current Mr Mystery and former Mr Mystery would instruct you later."

Gideon tried to say something, but his words drowned in the commotion of the public.

"So you admit that you, and your gruncle before you, studied transdimensional communication in there, and that was what made Bill Cipher's arrival in our universe possible?" - he was finally able to utter.

"No, we weren't," - Dipper said.

"What-" - Gideon was clearly taken aback. - "Than what did you study?"

"Gravity and anti-gravity. What else is there to study in Gravity Falls, right, folks?" - it was Dipper's turn to show how disarming his smile could be. Wendy realized that she was laughing, together with many others in the crowd. Although, her laughter was mostly that of relief, when she realized how smoothly Dipper got away from Gideon's accusations. - "And this, my people, is where I have to make a confession," - he suddenly continued. - "Because many of you might remember that during the summer of that very year twenty twelve, during one day gravitation seemed to fade repeatedly. This was actually our doing. We know that nobody got hurt in the process, and that's our luck, because we had to worn the townsfolk of forthcoming gravitational anomalies. It's time we admit that our experiments were dangerous at that point, and tender our apologies," - he bowed his head finishing the confession. - "I can tell you for sure, this will never happen again. And what our dear Lil' Gideon here forgot to mention is that my great-uncle's experiments were fundamental in defeating Bill Cipher when he invaded our dimension. We did it then, and rest assured, if something like this happens again, we will do it again. Just like we defeated the vampire enslavers in 2014. Like we stopped the sylvan spirits from taking over the town the previous year. Pines family is constantly vigilant for the safety of Gravity Falls." After a moment of silence, Wendy was deafened by the roar of the crowd, although she shouted too, together with everyone else.

"Dipper for president!" - people cried.

"Dipper, we love you!" - the other voices yelled.

"You're the best! Who needs gravity after all!" - shouts resounded.

"PINES BEAT GRAVITY!" - she recognized the voice of her father, that covered all the uproar with ease.

"Dude, you can have my pizza!" - Pizza Guy screamed.

"Got it, Got it," - it surely was the mayor.

The citizens were on rampage. They climbed to the stage, and soon the twins were shaking hands, receiving hugs and signing the autographs left and right. Gideon was literally washed away by the flood of people. Wendy quickly realized that getting to them at that moment would be high impossible, and just stood by the side of the stage together with Robbie, Tambry, Thompson, Soos and Melody. They had to wait for nearly ten minutes before the crowd started to disperse, leaving the twins alone. For such a small town, Gravity Falls sure had quite a lot of people who intended to make them wait.

Finally, the crowd started to dissipate. Wendy climbed to the stage, where Mabel was still playing 'hug dispenser'.

"Dude, nice job dodging Gideon's bullshit," - Robbie told Dipper.

"Why does he still think he can bring you down?" - Tambry asked.

"Some people are simply downright ineducable," - Dipper sighed. - "I fear that Gideon, despite being relatively intelligent, is just that."

"Come on, guys, it's too stuffy in here," - Mabel complained. - "Let's get outside." - So outside they went. It was already hot enough, as Oregon's blazing sun was scorching the earth with its rays, unhindered by any clouds or obstacles, save for the few trees that were growing on the sides of the parking lot. And the shelter from the sun provided by those trees was exactly what Dipper's eyes were glued to.

"How convenient that Bud Gleeful parked his car in the shadow," - He muttered.

"What do you mean?" - Wendy frowned.

"Cover me, please," - the guy said instead of answering. He then made his way to the car. The crew quickly gathered to form a kind of wall that separated Pines from potential peering eyes. Wendy saw that he, coming to a car, produced a small box she saw in the morning. He pressed the side of the box and, when the cone of light appeared, directed it inside the car. He then quickly went away, beckoning his friends to follow him.

"What did you just do, dawg?" - Soos inquired.

"Released Jeff," - Pines said.

"What?" - Grenda let out a muffled cry. - "Inside Gleeful's car?!"

"Dude, you're evil!" - Soos exclaimed.

"I have no idea where did they go, but sure as hell they won't be happy to find an enraged gnome inside their vehicle," - Robbie said abstrusely

"And what was that about a car parked in the shadows?" - Tambry asked.

"Dipper didn't want to put him into an overheated car," - Candy said. - "That would've been a death sentence."

"OK, party people, nothing to see here," - Mabel shouted. - "A barbecue party awaits!"

Robbie and Tambry, Candy and Grenda hopped into Thompson's van. The vehicle drove away as Wendy and the twins made their way to Soos's truck, when they heard a cry from behind them:

"Dipper, Mabel," - turning around, they saw Pacifica Northwest hurrying to them. - "Wendy," - she gritted the ginger girl cordially. Pacifica was dressed in a dark-purple dress with long sleeves and looked very stylish, although simple at the same time. Mabel happily hugged her and exchanged kisses on the cheek. Dipper gallantly kissed her hand, but then hugged her warmly. They seldom communicated with Pacifica, but stayed on friendly terms nonetheless. - "Dipper, your speech was flawless, you are an inborn orator, you should become a lawyer or a politician."

"Can I decline, please?" - Pines depicted horror on his face.

"He learned it from our gruncle," - his sister clarified.

"The one who always swears and insults people, or the one who uses so much scientific terms in his speech it sounds like Latin?" - Wendy murmured.

"Anyway, guys, I wish you luck and every success on your seventeenth birthday. You two are unique, and I'm proud to know you. And I have a small present for you," - Pacifica reached into her purse and produced a small box with a number of miniature levers and sliders on its lead. The twins looked at it, puzzled.

"So, what exactly it this?" - Mabel asked, taking the box in her hands.

"It's, actually, two presents," - Northwest smiled. - "The container is for Dipper. I hope opening it will entertain you. And what's inside is for Mabel."

"And what is inside?" - immediately asked the sister while Dipper started fumbling with the levers.

"You'll have to wait until your brother opens it," - Pacifica's smile didn't fade.

"Open it!" - Mabel demanded. - "Or you'll have to face full force of my curiosity."

"Don't distract me," - the guy responded, examining the complicated system of interlocking elements.

"Dipper, you'll have to hurry," - Pacifica laughed. - "Mabel will pester you until the box is opened."

"Wait a minute," - Pines girl's eyes narrowed. - "Why do I have to ask him? You're the one who knows what's inside!" - Northwest turned pale. - "Come here, I have a Wet Willy to perform!" - the blond girl started to walk away quickly, switching to the running mode when the brunette girl followed her, holding a moistened with her saliva finger in front of her.

"You're not running away from me!" - Mabel promised on the run. - "I'll Wet Willy you until you tell me!"

"Dipper, hurry up!" - Pacifica's desperate cry came from a distance. - "Save me!"

"Daaaamn," - mystery expert trailed. - "OK, this is a good one."

"What do you think is in there?" - Wendy said.

"Hell if I know," - he shrugged. - "Mabel'll have to wait, I suspect. Looks like a proper brainteaser."

For a couple of minutes they waited for Mabel. Dipper was toying with the box, Wendy was trying to give advices. Finally, the Pines girl returned.

"Guess where have this finger been?" - she laughed, showing them her index finger.

"Keep this to yourself, please," - Corduroy grimaced. - "OK, now that everyone's here, can we please go to the barbecue party? Hearing long speeches makes me want to eat in case it doesn't make me want to sleep."

* * *

 **Well, I didn't finish it by the end of the week. I write way too slowly.**

 **To my kind readers, Ferealty and a Guest reader who took their time to review the second chapter - thank you so much, your words mean a great deal to me. Hope you weren't disappointed with this chapter. Expect a little more ahead.**


	4. Chapter 4

_08.31.16. 21:40_

The whole family gathered for barbeсue party, along with twins' friends and some old acquaintance, among whom were Soos' Abuelita and old man McGucket. The event passed safely, except that Ford's experiments with lighter fluid almost started a fire, Stan went overboard with spices while making barbecue, thus Robbie and Thompson had to be revived with a tremendous amounts of cold Pitts cola, and McGucket nearly choked on a great slab of meat. But aside from these minor incidents, the dinner was peaceful. By the end of it Mabel gorged herself so full she could barely move. However, when the time came for disco, she was eager and energetic again. And she started to dance even before the first notes of music sounded from the stereo systems. She was the centre of the dance floor, and around her people started to assemble.

For Mabel, dance was one of many ways of self-expression, and possibly the one she enjoyed the most. In the dance there was no time to think or plan, only to follow the music and move with it. Music flowed through Mabel, capturing her wholly, and when it left her body it did so in a form of movement, like the girl herself was nothing more than a go-between a music and a dance. Every time she danced, she did it like there was no tomorrow. Because while she was dancing there really was no other time than now, no regrets, not concerns - only music, her and the dance.

Of course, today she did not dance alone. She was easily the most popular girl on the dance floor, and not only because it was her birthday. By the age of seventeen her personality, her socializing skills and her looks allowed her to gather a large and very tight circle of friends and admirers around her. She sensed everyone around her dancing along to the same beat, moving in unison like a single body with music in place of mind. She knew, however, there was one person not as jovial as everyone else. She knew it without even seeing him, even before the party started. At first, it bothered her, but then she decided that at age of seventeen her brother does not require babysitting, and she decided not to press him. And finally, she knew that he was in good hands.

Dipper, actually, even attempted to meld with the crowd at first. For a hundredth time he tried to dance, and for a hundredth time he found not a slightest bit of entertainment in that. People around cheered him, congratulated him on his birthday, and he was smiling back and nodding politely, but it didn't help the fact that he felt like a fish out of water. He slowly made his way to the borders of the dance floor, and when he was sure no one watched him, he just walked away. The guy went inside the Shack, where he got rich with a couple of beers and two sandwiches. Then he proceeded to the roof hideout. Sitting there, he watched the crowd dance for some time, before producing his smartphone and delving into the news, sipping beer from time to time.

* * *

"What's up, birthday boy? Aren't you supposed to enjoy yourself?" - Dipper realized that he did not hear Wendy coming up at the roof and smiled.

"You know me for four years and some," - the guy replied. - "A lot of things changed, but some didn't. I'm still not a fan of crowds." - He patted the tile by his side, and she sat down. He offered her a spare beer, and she showed him two cans that she brought with her. They laughed simultaneously. - "By the way, I hope I'm not making you feel depressed?" - he asked, trying to sound casual.

"Not at all, why?"

"Well, your boyfriend is sitting here all alone while he was supposed to cheer and dance together with the whole gang."

"Oh, don't I know you for four years and some?" - she laughed. - "I'm not actually surprised that you're not dancing. Besides, you're not sad now, you're lyrical, aren't you?"

"Now that you're here, I'm a lot more lyrical, yeah."

"Smoothie," - she giggled. - "Anyway, what're you reading here?"

"An article about observations of auroras on Jupiter by Hubble Space Telescope."

"Oh, yeah, way too lyrical!"

"Then make me lyrical!" - he said, putting his smartphone back into his pocket. They exchanged long looks, and then Wendy raised her arms in defeat.

"Alright, I just realized I can't do this, because I was about to give you my own special present, and it is just as nerdy as whatever you were reading," - saying this she reached in her shirt's pocket and produced a small sack. She handed it to Dipper, and he quickly untied it and put the contents on his palm.

"Whoa!" - was everything he could say.

"Well, I decided that if you effectively started a collection, this one wouldn't hurt," - Corduroy explained. - "By far, you already have - what? A pterosaurs' tooth, a raptor egg, that one ammonite, opal belemnite, that dimeodon claw..."

"That's dimetrodon, Wendy," - Dipper corrected, still not taking his gaze away from the present. He was holding a stone approximately two by three inches in size, with one of it's sides completely flat, and there was a tiny imprint of a creature on it, the size of his thumbnail. He took his cell phone again and activated the screen, so it would give enough light for him to see it clearly. - "It's just- Whoa!"

"It's the first time me seeing a man so excited about a stone," - Wendy laughed, clearly amused by his reaction.

"It's half a billion years old!"

"Your nerdiness has gone too far, Dipper. We have to save you-" - she didn't finish, because he suddenly embraced her and layed her low on her back, kissing her desperately. She started kissing back right away.

"Wendy, I love you! I love you so much!" - he uttered in between kisses. - "This is the best gift ever!"

"Dipper!" - she laughed. - "Get a grip of yourself. I knew you would like it. Now can you tell me at least, what it is?"

"It's a marella, an iconic fossil of the Burgess Shale. Wait," - he sat up. - "Where did you get it?" - she srugged in response, smiling mischievously. - "You went to Canada?" - She nodded, biting her lip not to laugh. - "But hey, it must cost a fortune, how-?" - He cut himself, seeing her grin that only widened with each passing second. - "Wait. You didn't-?" - She srugged again. - "Wendy, you're a criminal!" - his girlfriend laughed. - "Dangerous girl. Femme fatale!" - she was now screaming with laughter. He finally succumbed to laughter too. For some time they only laughed, looking at each other and in the late evening sky. Then Dipper cleared his throat. - "Seriously though, it's illegal to carry the specimens out of Burgess Shale."

"Dipper, they say it's the most common fossil in that Burgess Shale of yours, several thousand of this shrimps were excavated, would they really lose so much if I take one away?"

"Fine. I won't report you," - he said, making Corduroy to push him slightly in the shoulder. - "We're partners in crime, after all."

"Yeah, and forever will be," - she smiled. - "Although we're both leaving this Saturday. College, high school... You're heading back to Piedmont, I'm going to Portland. And I'll have to commit crimes alone... again. Which leaves us with only three full days."

"I'll go with you. Stay with you for a week in Portland."

"What?! But your school-"

"It can wait. The first week is just a waste of time anyway, I'll easily catch up with the schedule later."

"But your parents-"

"I'll reason with them."

"But Mabel-"

"She doesn't have a significant other here. I'll tell her, and she will understand."

"But where are you going to stay in Portland? The college dorms-"

"It's a big city, won't I find a place to stay? I have cash and brains, we'll figure something out. Or what's the matter, don't you want me to go with you?"

"What?! Dude, I want this more than anything!"

"Great, because that's all that matters."

"But why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I only decided a minute ago."

Wendy leaned on his shoulder, and he hugged her around the waist.

"Dipper, I love it when you act like this. So decisive. So resolute."

"You taught me," he simply replied, and she closed her eyes, completely absorbed by the moment and her feelings. Although deep inside she knew that this was not entirely true, she didn't want to spoil the moment.

"So how did you like the list of reasons Dipper Pines is badass?" - she finally asked.

"That's entertaining."

"I wanted to add 'Dipper Pines is so badass that he flips Flipping Corduroy', but then I decided not to make it public."

"Yeah, let's save this one for later."

"For how much later?"

"Relax!" - he laughed. - "You won't miss it."

"Honestly, I already miss it."

Dipper turned to her and watched his girlfriend closely for some time. She made an eager face and bit her bottom lip slightly. The guy gulped. He knew that putting up a face like that she was teasing him, but anyway he started to feel his own arousal, as he himself wanted it, too. She knew how to make him lose his coolness and composture way too quickly.

"Alright," - he stood up. - "Race you to the Mystic Glade."

"Dude, but that's, like, in the woods. Can't we find a place closer? Your room in the Shack, for example."

"We'll make it there in ten minutes," - Dipper retorted. - "I know all shortcuts in the forest. And Wendy, I want to go there. For some time now I have wanted to make love to you in the Mystic Glade. So do me a favour, for my birthday."

She stood up too, and smiled, looking at him.

"Very well, I can't deny you this. But this short way of yours better be really short!"

* * *

Later they laid side by side at the softest warm grass, sweaty and panting heavily and looking into the evening skies, still dimly red from the setting sun, but already showing first stars. Tiny fireflies floated slowly above them, and wind moved the grass gently. Cicadas chirred around them in the trees, and a smell of grass was tart and slightly bitter.

"It really was magical, Dipper," - Wendy said finally. - "Thank you for taking me here."

He kissed her instead of answering. She rested her head on his chest, and they stayed still for some more time, watching how the sky gradually darkened, showing more and more stars.

"OK, by now it should be time for the first slow tracks to play on the disco. So, I suggest we head back," - he said, sitting up. Wendy looked at him, her gleaming eyes reflected starlight. - "Because," - he continued, - "as much as I don't like dancing, I want to ask you for a slow dance."

He heard her soft laughter. Then she stretched delightfully. It was already so dark that he had difficulties to see his surroundings, but her skin was so pale it seemed to glow in the darkness, outlining her naked body. Her naked body... He gulped.

"On second thought, maybe we should stay here for some more time?"

She laughed again.

"Come on, Dip. Let's go dance a little. We will come back here later."

He smiled.

"Yes, Wendy. Of course we will."

* * *

 **That's it. Thanks to everyone who read this to the end. Ferealty, the Guest reader - thanks a ton for your reviews. I'm touched, really :-) Guest reader, concerning your question about Gideon - I just watched the last episode again, he really ended up on good terms with the twins. But I completely forgot about that. So you can say that in the headcanon of this particular fanfic, Gideon is still evil.**

 **Thanks again for reading. Review if you feel like it. Be well, and stay weird.**


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